We live in a world where everybody wants to be heard. We think our way is the best way and sometimes we express it in such a manner that is not considerate to other people’s thoughts, opinions, and feelings.
I recently had this experience where someone continued to speak over me and not even listen to what I had to say. I realized when I finished speaking to this person, I felt a little empty and not valued. Once I had the opportunity to regroup and analyze the situation, I had a choice, I could get bitter or better.
I made a conscious decision to stop and think about what that person may be going through or the constitution of their personality. Then the principle that Stephen Covey often speaks of came to my mind – that we should first, “seek to understand, then to be understood.”
This thought restored the joy that I had lost in that moment. I realized the relationship was worth me stepping back and not letting my feelings destroy something bigger.
There are many benefits of trying to see something from the perspective of others. I personally feel that it helps us to take our eyes off ourselves and focus on the needs of others. Most of the time people do not mean to be rude or dismissive, they just feel like what they have to say is important.
There are different ways to work with personalities that have these characteristics. Listening and seeking to understand them can help build and improve communication. When we are calm and in control, we can work on solving the issue, improve communication, and build up the relationship.
Remember I previously mentioned that I did not want to let my feelings destroy something bigger? That something bigger was the relationship. Think about how important the relationship is to you and evaluate is it worth winning the battle or the war. For me, especially if it is with family, friends, or close associates, I would rather for us to come out stronger in the end even if it means I must bite my tongue a bit.
Another thing to consider is put yourself in the shoes of the person you are dealing with. They may have insecurities that God has placed you in their life to help build them up and help them become a better person. All of us at one time or another have needed people to be patient with us and sow into our lives in a positive way.
If we are not able to take this type of response or action, it may be that we need to look into the mirror and see if we are doing the same things to others. It has been said what ruffles our feathers the most tends to be the very same things we need to work on in our own lives. Is it time for us to look in the mirror?
Years ago, I remember a counselor telling me that someone must be willing to take the first step, or sacrifice for the bigger good and why should it not be me. At the time that bothered me because first, I was much younger and immature, but I thought, “why does it always have to be me?”
What time and life have taught me is that usually when we stop and really listen to others, they just need to be heard and when they realize you care about them and you respect what they have to say, they will listen to you and consider your point of view. Trust will begin to be built between the two of and it can be a win-win situation.
The next time you are in a conversation with someone, or in a meeting and they talk over you for some reason or just fail to listen to what you have to say, smile to yourself and understand they need to be heard and for you to understand them. You will eventually be understood, and they will probably pay more attention to what you have to say in the future.
Healing Without Hate: It’s a choice. It’s a lifestyle. Pass it on.
Visit www.WendyGladney.com and www.forgivingforliving.org to learn more. Wendy is a life strategist, coach, consultant, author, and speaker.
