When I think back as far as elementary school, I remember how exciting it was to go to the store and buy the packages of Valentine’s Day cards. It was such a big deal to bring them home and write your name on the cards, along with the names of your classmates on each of the envelopes. I found it interesting how there were usually just enough cards in the package to give one to each student in my class and a special one for the teacher. It was as if the card companies knew exactly how many children were in classrooms across America. On Valentine’s Day we would have a little party that usually consisted of a heart-shaped cookie and punch, and we would go around and give each other our valentines. If my memory serves me correctly, there always seemed to be that “special someone” you hoped would give you a card and if they didn’t your little heart would drop to the floor.
Well, truth be told, most grown people have the same hopes and desires to be remembered by that special someone on Valentine’s Day. We all search for love and sometimes even in all the wrong places. We look to others to validate us and make us feel good about ourselves because someone loves us. Believe me when I say I am a sucker for love and even after being married and divorced, I haven’t given up on the hope of having true love and even getting married again one day. But what I’ve learned in all the searching (or hoping) is that we must start with loving ourselves. In the movie “Jerry Maguire,” there was a line that said, “You complete me.” I believe that it’s not until we feel complete within ourselves that we can attract the right person who will come alongside and compliment us.
Recently a friend called to check on me and he asked how my grandson Grayson was doing. I told him that he was growing and that on a regular basis he fills my little love tank. He went on to say, “I bet he brings out love bones in you that you didn’t even know existed!” As I thought about that question it made me reflect on how true that statement really is. When we experience love that comes from a pure place, where the only thing that person wants is you, it fills you up in such a way that you never feel empty. You feel appreciated and valued. The look in their eyes makes you feel like you matter and it’s not about what you buy for them, but rather it’s about how safe and secure they feel with you.
Maya Angelou said, “people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” For me I know this to be true because even when you love someone or someone loves you, they may do or say some hurtful things, but at the end of the day those wounds can be healed by how they make you feel. If they come back around and apologize (and they mean it) or if they are willing to sit down and talk things out to obtain a better understanding of what they did to hurt you, in the end you might not even remember what they said because you feel better.
This Valentine’s Day if you celebrate with that special someone (or even if you just go out with the girls and have a “Galentine’s Day”), remember to be grateful for all the positive things that are in your life and all the loved ones that do care about you. No matter what you may have gone through over the past year, or even over several years, remember that you are still in the fight and that to feel love, it’s as easy as just giving love!
Healing Without Hate: It’s a choice. It’s a lifestyle. Pass it on!