Have you ever known a woman that seems to have it all together? She has a great career, takes care of herself, is committed to her family and community; but she struggles in connecting with the right life partner? I do! As a matter of fact, I was one of those women. I even have amazing friends that when I look at their lives, they are what I consider a “prize,” but they struggle when it comes to making wise decisions on selecting the right person as a serious companion. Why does this happen?
Let me pause. I am not saying a person must have a partner to be happy. Happiness starts with loving ourselves first. I am also not saying that you have to compromise your values to be with someone. What I am saying is that oftentimes we do not give enough thought about the choices we make when it comes to who we date and allow into our lives. I know that I have personally been guilty of this. I have cared more about making the other person happy, even at the sacrifice or expense of being personally fulfilled. To make wise decisions we must be clear about our expectations. Do you even know what you would be willing to comprise on for the relationship? What is non-negotiable? This is critical to know.
If we want to make good decisions in our personal relationships, we must understand ourselves. I believe women are more comfortable being straightforward and clear when it comes to their work life than they are in their love life. We do not want to hurt other people’s feelings. Sometimes we may even fear that if we speak up, they will leave. Guess what, if you speaking your truth makes someone leave then it is better to find out sooner than later. How would you handle this situation if it were work related?
My husband wrote a book a few years back called, “The Right Man Business Plan for Women: A business approach to relationships for successful, single women!” I read the book and realized that he made some good points (I should have read it sooner). In the book, he shares nuggets that can really help one from making serious mistakes. One of the things he talks about is the importance of us doing our due diligence. Do we really take the time to check a person out and understand that “dating” is not the same as being in a “relationship?” The dating season is when we should really check a person out to see if they are the one that we want to spend more time with and graduate to a relationship.
I do believe there are some things that will only be revealed over time. But there are some things that if we really stop and ask the right questions (just like we would at work); watch what they do more than what they say (performance); and critically review without being critical, there are a lot of mistakes that we could avoid. Sometimes we fear being alone and we let feelings and emotions rule where sound judgment should take over. I recently read that, “good decisions come from experience, and you can only get experience from making some bad decisions.”
If you have not been so lucky with love, do not make a permanent decision on a temporary feeling or emotion. Learn from your past mistakes, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again. You got this!
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Visit www.WendyGladney.com and www.forgivingforliving.org to learn more. Wendy is an international coach, consultant, trainer, author and speaker. She can also be found live on Instagram @Wendygladney on Wednesdays at 12 noon PST.