Of all the challenges in life, becoming a father has been the most grueling and rewarding. Nothing else has tested my capacity for love and patience, and forced me to confront my shortcomings, trauma and made me function on little sleep.
In the U.S., if you want to drive a car, you have a study guide to help learn the rules of the road, then a written and driving test to see if you are a safe driver. When my wife and I left the hospital with our newborn son, I didn’t even get a pamphlet of how to be a father.
The family unit plays a crucial role in shaping the lives and community for children. In recent years, we have seen the effects of fatherless homes. Numerous studies have found that children growing up in fatherless homes are more likely to experience higher levels of emotional instability, such as depression, anxiety, abandonment, and low self-esteem.
Children exhibit higher rates of behavioral problems of aggression and delinquency, which can persist into adulthood, and at times into generations. We must do better.
Addressing the Issue
To address this pressing issue, we intentionally propose a few solutions to allow the reader the opportunity to support a father in whatever capacity they can in their family, in their community, within their church, and even at work.
First, let’s promote responsible fatherhood by raising awareness that fathers matter, and mean it. This can be done through educational campaigns on local TV, newspapers, in the community, at church, and even at family gatherings.
Locally we can have workshops at local meeting points, and at hospitals upon the birth of a child. Let’s extend the hand to parenting teens, fathers in jails and prisons, because all fathers matter, regardless of their age and circumstances.
The workshops can emphasize the positive effects of fathering while affirming their rights and responsibilities and include awareness about laws such as the California Paid Family Leave (PFL), which provides partial paid leave for fathers up to 8 weeks, but not job protection; or the California Family Rights Act (CFRA) referred to as, “baby-bonding time” of 12 weeks of unpaid leave. Federally there is also FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act) that provides job protection, but not paid leave.
Second, we can provide community support by doing local outreach and mentoring to provide positive male role models via volunteers from churches and senior centers. We can also support and invest in counseling and family therapy for the father, which can also be done with faith-based counselors; this can be local, affordable, and paid by community-based grants.
There is also a need for professional monitors, which can be trained volunteers, for fathers whose visits are monitored due to a court order. The goal is to promote the parent-child relationship regardless of barriers.
Third, we know that a man can’t take care of his child if he can’t take care of himself. Let’s support access and funding for vocational and college scholarships for fathers, and employment opportunities. If you live and/or work in the community, lend a helping hand to a father in need.
Last, we must vote for representatives who support policies of paid paternity leave and flexible work schedules, that support laws to designate Family Law Courts to take the father’s role into consideration for equal access to children. Schools also need to be encouraging of fathers to be involved, not just the current practice of, “at least one parent.”
Let’s send the message that fathers matter, because it’s never too early or too late to be in a child’s life.
Luis Portillo and Eva Camacho are graduate students at USC School Of Social Work.