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Success On “The Way”… Ask Dr. Jeanette: Dealing With Discord
By Dr. Jeanette Grattan Parker
Published May 10, 2017

Dr. Jeanette Parker

Unfortunately, discord is a part of life. This unwanted emotional stress is experienced by us all in one way or another; whether it is of our own making or some other person or persons brings it into our lives; somehow it manages to squirrel its way in. Let’s strive to turn it into positive. What brings discord and disagreement? How we come across is significantly valuable to observe as to the responses received from others. In speaking to others, the tone of speech and sentence structure of words can determine the feedback we receive.

Consider this: Words can take on a different meaning based on how they are said. “You better organize that now!”-OR- “It sounds like something that can be looked at closely.” Try this.. “I told him ten times not to do that!” OR-“Let’s sit down and go over this so that we are on the same page.” Life is a learning, experience process. Life is a teacher. Words are conditioning. What we want to have happen is that when anyone says negative, look at it closely and see if it is something which can help us grow. If we are hurried, feel rushed or agitated we may say something which may injure others. Words can be a weapon or a gift. Words spoken can be harsh, jarring, discordant and taken the wrong way, when in fact you said it, but did not mean it in the way it was said; the receiver heard it and received it based on what they were going through at the time and what they heard. The person may not have meant what was said to be interpreted according to what the person heard. Not everything a person says is going to come off in the way you think it ought to come off. The recipient’s interpretation may be miles away from the intended message. It’s important in listening not just to hear, but to understand and ask, “Was what was said to me really meant how I interpreted it? Am I being too sensitive or overreactive and taking things the wrong way?” Am I trying to read people’s minds [people do that you know]. There is the need sometimes to de-escalate. By de-escalating or calming down, our minds are clear to hear what is really being said. Behind every statement made there are emotions and feelings which prompt what is said and how it is said. The same is true for the hearer. Ask, “What is or may be the state of mind of the person I’m speaking to?” Sometimes words are spoken and the hearer thinks they are being judged; when it fact it often reflects the hearers state of mind or circumstance at that time. Listen carefully or you may miss something that could help you!

Teach the children.

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Jeanette Grattan Parker, Ph.D., Superintendent Today’s Fresh Start Charter School; speaker, marriage expert. All writings are copyright: Will You Marry Me; Inquiring Minds Want to Know.

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Categories: Family | Lifestyle
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