The holidays are meant to be a time of joy, love, and connection. To be honest—sometimes, they’re anything but. For many of us, the season can bring its share of stress, family tensions, and difficult conversations. Whether it’s arguing over personal decisions, cultural traditions, or even political debates, the weight of these moments can feel exhausting.
For Black communities and other marginalized groups, the holiday season can be stressful. With nearly 90% of people reporting stress during this time, holiday conversations can transcend discomfort and are often layered with generational expectations, cultural standards, and systemic pressures. Too often, we’re expected to shrink ourselves, to sacrifice our peace, or to keep quiet for the sake of harmony. But I’m here to tell you: your peace is not negotiable.
Let us begin by understanding why these moments arise. Holidays can uncover old wounds, especially in family settings. Stress, unresolved issues, and societal pressures can create an emotional storm, often pulling us back into roles we thought we left behind. Recognizing this regression is the first step. When tensions escalate, take a pause. Breathe. Remember that you are no longer bound by those old habits.
Let’s discuss our expectations. For many, especially those in the LGBTQ+ community or anyone whose identity challenges societal norms, the pressure to conform can feel suffocating. Remember this: you deserve to show up as your full, authentic self—without apology, explanation, or compromise. There’s no need to explain or justify your choices to anyone, not even family.
If questions about your life choices arise—your career, your relationships, your dreams—set your boundaries with clearly and gracefully. A simple “I’d rather not discuss that” is enough. You don’t owe anyone access to the parts of you that feel tender or unresolved. And if things get out of hand, give yourself permission to walk away. Your peace is more important than anyone’s approval.
Political debates and generational divides frequently add another layer of tension. These moments may feel personal because they are personal. But not every battle is yours to fight. Engage only if you feel safe and grounded. And when you do, focus on shared values rather than attempting to bridge unbridgeable divides. Protecting your energy is an act of self-love.
When sensitive life announcements—like a new job, a pregnancy, or a relationship—become a source of tension, take charge of the narrative. Prepare for how you want to communicate these milestones. Approach them with intention, but always prioritize your own well-being.
Finally, don’t overlook your mental health. This season isn’t about self-sacrifice. It’s about embracing joy and rest in a way that feels right for you. Recognize when you’re overwhelmed, set firm boundaries, and lean into the moments that bring you comfort.
Whether that’s a quiet walk, a phone call with a trusted friend, or simply getting away from the chaos, know that prioritizing yourself is not selfish, it’s critical.
Here’s the unshakable truth: you are not defined by anyone’s expectations, judgment, or approval. You deserve love, joy, and respect just as you are. This holiday season, honor yourself by living your truth, setting boundaries, and choosing peace.
At Planned Parenthood Los Angeles, we understand the stress and pressures that can come with the holidays. Our commitment to supporting you, no matter the challenge, extends beyond our clinics. We’re here to help you navigate difficult conversations and provide the mental health resources you need. You don’t have to go through this alone. To learn more about the services we offer, visit http://pp-la.org or call (800) 576-5544.
Kara James, a Nurse Practitioner at Planned Parenthood Los Angeles since 2015, champions racial equity and anti-racism in her clinical care. In 2020, she spearheaded the launch of the Black Health Initiative to enhance holistic well-being in Los Angeles’ Black communities
