Thursday, May 13, 2021
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Words of the Week – God’s Finishing School for Men
By Brian W. Carter, Contributing Writer
Published April 28, 2021

                                Brian W. Carter (Courtesy photo)

Guess what? My best friend, his name is Jesus Christ, I call Him JC. Well, He enrolled me into this elite academy that only a few people know about.

I had no idea He was doing that and when He told me, I was a bit taken back because this was the first time. I was hearing about it and I thought I was finished with school. He was like, “You are gonna love it, Brian, this is right up your alley. When you finish this school … you just wait and see.”

I was like, “Ok, JC, you’ve always hooked me up with good stuff, I’ll try it.”

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Ok, so, the school is called, well, I wasn’t feeling the name but, anyway, it’s called God’s Finishing School for Men. I was like, “Wait, is this one of those refinement schools? Like, where girls go to become women and have social etiquette and stuff?”

He was like, “Yeah, but it’s for guys. No Brian, really, you are going to love this school. It makes a real man out of you. They teach so much stuff here that you don’t learn about in other schools, colleges or universities even.”

He handed me the brochure and some of the classes blew me away. There were classes on social graces, etiquette, speech, purpose, talents, etc. What shocked me was all the classes were mandatory — you have to take all of them.

I was like, “What? Ok, JC says this school is lit, ok, whatever. I’ll do it.”

But some of these classes like, “Sex, Lies and Deception,” which is about sex before marriage, “Masturbation Nation” what? … ok, “Sexual Persuasions of Another Kind” … and another class called “Porno, Oh No!” which talks about how porn “warps the mind.”

I didn’t think I needed to go to some of these classes … they seemed a little too personal and uncomfortable for me, but JC said these are some of the best classes. He said some of the classes are based on His Father’s rules, particularly 1 Corinthians 6:18.

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Oh, JC’s Father is Headmaster of the school, by the way… his Father is a part of A LOT of big companies. I mean, His Father has His hands in EVERYTHING. How blessed am I to have met JC, huh? Yeah, JC is cool too though.

Then, there’s this other class called “Standing Strong.” JC said this is a class that mostly every guy likes because it brings a lot of camaraderie. Allegedly, it’s like a bonding class where guys find out they have a lot in common. JC said it’s based on another rule His Father thought up, 1 Corinthians 10:13 to be exact.

Oh, but there was this class just called “Delilah” … I was like, “JC? What dis class about?” Then, JC smiled and took the brochure from my hand. “This class is a really good one. It’s about falling for the wrong woman.” He said that it’s a heavy course, but another one of the favorites of many guys. JC says it takes a lot of excerpts from Proverbs.

One class that did pique my interest was this class called “Be My Man.” I asked JC about this class and all of a sudden, He sat down and started crying. I had never seen JC cry, ever. I was like “JC! What’s wrong? Are you alright?”

And He looked at me with a big smile (side note: I need to ask JC about His dentist, his teeth are on fleek!)

He said, “This class is my favorite and everybody loves this class. My Father personally teaches this class and He talks about how there are so many things competing for men’s minds, so many traps, false narratives, religions, just so much stuff.

“My Dad just breaks it down how being His man takes so much pressure off men. They don’t have to carry all the baggage that they have picked up and that has been foisted upon them. This class is so special, Brian — you’re gonna love it.

“My Dad based this class off John 3:16 … He said it was His love note to His boys all around the world and He dedicated this class to me.”

I was like “Ok JC, I mean, I have to take it anyway. It says this is a required course for graduation. It sounds like a good class.”

“It is.”

“But JC, why didn’t you tell me that you enrolled me in this school?”

“Have I ever steered you wrong? When you were going through that hard time, didn’t I send that counselor to you? When you were having family drama, didn’t I let you stay at my house? When you thought you didn’t have any friends? Who was there?”

“You, you, you …ok!”

“Ok then, oh! Your first class starts today.”

The name of the class was called “Hanging with JC.”

I was like, “What? You teach this class JC?”

“Yep! Come on Brian, let me show you how I have fun. You want to learn how to fly?”

“You mean a plane?”

He just smiled at me and laughed.

Categories: Religion
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