Thursday, November 23, 2017
Top Ten A** Kickings
By Darryl James (Columnist)
Published September 25, 2008

In today's world, many people pretend to be polite and perhaps fancy themselves as nice, but are far from that to other people.

Others fancy themselves as sophisticated and enlightened, but are really morons with poor social skills.

However, the realities of the decline of socialization and civilization dictate that no matter how people view themselves, many human beings are just not very nice, not very smart and not very worthy of receiving niceties.

In fact, a great number of people need their natural a**es kicked for being avoidably stupid or mean. Folks just don't want to put in the work.

We've all seen even simple interactions go nuclear because some ignominious idiot decided to let go. We know that things would change if they were in fear of an ever-present butt whipping.

Let's be honest-society has declined to a great degree due to a lack of consequences. Few people grew up with corporal punishment at home or anyplace else. And, even the legal system has sufficient holes for minor criminals to duck and dodge the long arm of the law.

So, in my estimation, things need to go back to the old school, where people watched what they said and did because they knew that at any given moment, a good, sure and swift kick in the pants could be coming their way.

In another Top Ten List, here are my Top Ten A** Kickings that are sorely needed.


Top Ten A** Kickings:

1. Black Republicans in support of McSame.

Nuff Said!

2. Whoever the hell created that infernal, racist "Pasta Dude" commercial.

I never liked Domino's wack a** pizza in the first place. Now I hate them and their insulting, pandering, stereotyped commercial. I'd like to smack the creators of the commercial the way Pasta Dude caught his beatdown.

3. McCain staffers who won't address their candidate's similarities to and support of George W. Retarded Bush.

I've watched a number of news shows where McCain staffers outrageously avoided direct questions as though everyone was stupid. They need to catch beatdowns especially because they won't admit that McCain is the 2000 year-old son of Mephistopheles.

4. People who claim to love Hip Hop, yet listen to Lil' Wayne.

Nuff Said.

5. House Niggas who supported Tropic Thunder, claiming that Robert Downey's blackface act was funny and not offensive.

How can anyone watch a minstrel show in 2008 and justify watching it or not be offended by it's actual existence?

6. The US Government for tossing 700 billion at a thousand pound gorilla.

Foolish speculators made too many bad bets and got caught with their pants down when Lehman Brothers went bankrupt. Money Market Funds fell apart and all hell broke loose. The 700 billion, recommended by Bush-appointed Secretary of the Treasury Henry Paulson, is a quick fix that may not hold back the tide. And where the hell do the Republicans want to recoup that loot from? From the average American worker, of course–all the while promising to cut taxes for the rich and claiming that Senator Obama is wrong for wanting to cut taxes for the middle cla**. The rich who are heads of commerce and owners of politicians are the ones who have helped to screw the economy up, so let 'em help to pay the price while I get to whipping on those a**es.

7. Lazy A** Employees.

Why are too many of today's employees-especially Federal employees–lying to customers so that they don't have to do their jobs? Recently, one fat, lazy waste of air at the Post Office told me that they no longer send out second notices for packages they try to deliver to your home. She also told me that they had already returned the package to the sender. When I got the second notice two weeks later and picked up the package, I wanted to put my foot where the sun doesn't shine…

8. People who go door to door pushing their religion.

I swear I will commit a violent, bloody crime the next time those damned Jehovah's Witnesses come knocking….

9. People who forward those stupid internet hoaxes.

Bill Gates ain't giving you any cash and the technology does not even exist that tracks all of your email forwards and the forwards of your forwards, stupid.

10. People who refer to their dogs as their children and want to take them everywhere.

Unless you share DNA with that mutt, it's not your damned child and I have to right not to have it sniffing broccoli at the grocery store. I have the right to not have a foreign animal jump on me. And I especially want to protect my right not to have a butt sniffing, crap-on-the-ground licking, hairy bag of bacteria bumping my leg while I am dining at a cafŽ with outdoor seating.

Now, there is my top list of people who need to catch beatdowns. Add to the list at your own discretion, but be careful because someone may add you.


Darryl James is an award-winning author of the forthcoming powerful anthology "Notes From The Edge." Discounted Autographed and Numbered Pre-Release copies can be ordered at He released his first mini-movie, "Crack," and this year, will release his first full-length documentary. View previous installments of this column at Reach James at




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