Friday, September 30, 2022
Open letter To Bitter Women
By Darryl James (Columnist)
Published October 29, 2009

An Open letter To Bitter Women

This is a letter to tell you officially and publicly that I am tired of you.

I want you to know that it is time for you to shut your bitter ass up, get some therapy and leave Black Love alone.


Its time for you to stop pretending that your mission is purely pro-woman, while connecting it to Feminism, with it’s confusing and conflicting and often, anti-man rhetoric.

It’s time for you to stop making accusations of misogyny every time a man declares that some of the Radical Feminist propaganda has divided families and has demonized men, rendering far too many women incapable of finding love in men they have grown to distrust, dislike and disrespect.

If you weren’t so bitter about the unkept promises of Feminism, you would be able to see the difference between Feminism and Women’s Rights. Many men who are strong supporters of women’s rights are repulsed by some of the Feminist propaganda and we should talk about that.

Instead, Radical Feminists have too many women talking about men who don’t support every message from Feminism.

Non-bitter ladies, these are women who are supposed to be your comrades in a revolution that has lost its direction, its purpose and its meaning.

You see, Bitter Women, when you first began to blame men for every problem you have ever come across, many men joined you and proclaimed our own guilt for your misery. And perhaps there was merit to that initial blame. After all, this is a male dominated society.


However, in the decades following the burning of bras and Feminism’s seduction of Black women, things have shifted. And while men dominate many areas of society, public opinion has largely become the domain of women.

In the hands of Bitter Women, men have been painted with the broad brush of misogyny. All of us have been blamed for the crimes of some of us. It has become popular to blame men for everything wrong with the world, including single parent homes, teen pregnancy and youth violence, but one half of the contributing group-women-are held as blameless victims, while also painted as powerful overcoming creatures.

You say that there are no men in the homes, yet men are to blame for the results of child rearing. You claim that you don’t need men, yet men are blamed for your inability to find a good man.

Your propaganda has declared you as independent and has declared men as unnecessary, even as many of your own proponents claim that they are victims of not being able to find what they seek. Your propaganda has declared that you have moved beyond us, yet are still being held back by us.

In other words, you have been playing both victim and victor.

That charade must come to an end.

Is there misogyny? Yes.

Must it end? Yes again.

But there is also misandry and it also must end.

The sad part is that many of you have no idea what misandry is and will be surprised that the hatred of men even has a word.

Because of the blaming of men for everything, far too many people have no idea that there are throngs of men being violently harmed and damaged by women every day, in addition to the men who are sitting in prison because of false charges of domestic violence.

You see, domestic violence is a serious crime, but unless we deal with domestic violence against men and the false charges against men, there will continue to be a growing desensitization to the issue.

My point is that being one-sided is also beginning to harm you.

Your one-sidedness has caused you to literally compete with Black men for the dubious honor of who has been most abused. Instead of simply stating your case, you have felt the need to downplay the case of Black men as though our community has to make a choice of whom to free. This may not phase you when it comes to grown men and women, but the same choice is being made when it comes to Black boys and girls.

Here are a few things that must stop. Right now.

Stop pretending that Feminism is perfect. Some of the propaganda has us looking at each other with distrust and disdain, instead of being able to talk honestly about which men and which women are problematic.

Stop pretending that men who challenge Feminist rhetoric hate women. There are a growing number of women who find some of the rhetoric divisive as well.

Stop telling men how we should think or act. Just recognize as we should that if a person is not for you, they are not for you.

Stop telling other women what a man should be. Men can speak for what we should be.

Stop telling the world that the men in your life represent all men. Chances are you have been drawing sorry men to you because you are a sorry woman or because you have been looking for the wrong thing. Something has to change and it should begin with you.

Stop pretending that a man who speaks about one group of women hates ALL women. If the women being spoken of exist-and you do Bitter Women-then deal with the poor behavior, instead of crowing about misogyny.

Stop claiming that any man who opposes you or tells you that you need to do or be something different is “blaming the victim.” You are not everyone’s victim and that line is tired. The net result of employing this too many times is that we can’t talk, and/or in many cases, men just don’t want to talk.

Stop confusing people with your “I don’t want a man and don’t need a man” rhetoric, which flies in the face of your “I can’t find a good man,” rhetoric. If you don’t need or want a man, then why are you looking for a man? And since you make it clear that you don’t need one, why would a good one hang around?

Stop demanding parity when a man speaks of relationship ills. When any man dares to speak of the wrong that women do, we are charged with outlining the wrong men do to balance things out, yet the reverse never occurs. Your propaganda has been so widespread and so enduring that there are hardly enough of us to balance it out. None of you speak with balance, so quit demanding that any of us do so.

And, before you launch attacks against Darryl James, please understand that it’s not just me. It’s not even just men.

Many women and men are coming to see the fallacies of modern Feminism and the depraved rhetoric of angry, bitter women who pretend to speak for all women against all men.

Those ignorant books, magazine articles and television shows have been the forum for the bitter and the angry for far too long. It’s time to stop blaming men for everything and time to heal. It’s time to move beyond the anger.

You see, the healing can only begin when we talk to each other. For more than twenty years, we have been talking at each other.

So, unless you are willing to listen and prepared to accept some portion of blame, then it is time for you to finally shut the hell up. After decades of your shrill attacks on men, it is time for you to walk away and allow rational, sane people to see each other as individuals and begin to make things better for us all.

In her struggle for both the rights of Blacks and the rights of women, Maida S. Kemp, the former president of the National Council of Negro Women cautioned women against bitterness. “Unless a woman learns not to be bitter about defeats and not to be arrogant about successes, each of them, both your success and your defeat can limit you,” Kemp warned.

I’m sure bitter women will find a way to blame me for Kemp’s words, but if your brain is working, you’ll understand her message loud and clear:

Bitter women, your time is up.

Darryl James is an award-winning author of the powerful new anthology “Notes From The Edge.” Now, listen to Darryl live on every Monday from 7-9pm, PST. View previous installments of this column at Reach James at [email protected].

Categories: Opinion

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