Hello world, I’ve discovered something about myself! Well, I think it is better to say that I have finally admitted this to myself. I am truly selfish, self-centered in the fashion of sharing my heart with a woman who is worthy. I know that I have been spoiled in the sense of dating as often as I would like, with the majority of the women I find attractive. At times it is easy to pull up a pair of designer jeans or custom tailored slacks with a pair of stylish Italian shoes. If my work outs are up to pair, then my shirts fit with appeal. Even though fashionable dressing is like a hobby for me, it is superficial. Yet fortunately, it sparks conversation, which makes it easy to attract the opposite sex. I enjoy thoughtful conversation, so communication comes easy to me. Yet with all that being said, I have used those natural attributes to indulge myself in the company of several women.Â Â
Yet the truth of it all is that from a selfish perspective, I have not allowed myself to be devoted to any single woman longer then six months. One mistake or the discovery of ones ill behaviors leads to the friendship category, a place where I have dwelled with many women for several years now. I have often lied to myself stating that, “I have not met THE ONE”, and when I do, it will be a natural transition to adore her. Well, truthfully, I have coddled myself in the luxury of single living. There is no need to lie to women, because many women only want to enjoy themselves for the moment.
I have no obligation beyond my every day goals, which occupy my time enough to not be readily available, which some women find attractive. Ambition is the new sexy, so to speak. I have no children, which eliminates the drama associated with ex-spouses. Therefore, on paper, I am a commodity. I have used these attributes to my favor, selfishly. I have protected my emotions with those same attributes, egoistically.Â Â
Now, I cannot batter myself to great extent because I have met a few women over the years that have their share of issues also. However, that is the natural progression of dating, which we all should accept. But I cannot pass judgment as I am more to blame than anyone for not allowing myself the pleasure and satisfaction of a relationship. What has happened is that I have opened my eyes and realized that so much time has passed, that I have aged, since the last time I opened my soul as a gift to a woman. Oddly enough, I have dwelled within that mind state so long, that my heart has self-induced atrophy.
So, my next step is to live with a free and open desire to accept whoever she is with true and positive intent for courtship. I will not look for this to happen, yet I promise myself to accept her when she arrives. My fear of calamity is far greater then I realize.Â Â
Today I have acknowledged my greatest fear, and because I have been terrified for so long, I coated that apprehension with intellectual excuses that justified my selfishness. What good is noesis (the power of applied thought) if I negatively manipulate the meaning. I hope this article does not describe you, as my life is illustrated within each word. And if you currently stand in my shoes, then like me, you truly have not lived.
Â Ms. Claudia Jordan
I will state my pursuit boldly, with out fright
Without knowing who you are, having no clue of your likes or dislikes
I wonder what your last thoughts are at night
Do you wake up with a smile, or are your days spent full of chatter with no love interest to lean on during life’s tough fights
Is your personality as attractive as your appearance?
Behind your smile, where is and by whom do you obtain your assurance
Unlike most, my pursuit has honest intentions
At this point, all I want is your conversation
Over a smooth bet with a melodic tone, I want to exchange versus that invite me into your thoughts when you are all alone
Boldly, without fright, plutonic conversation so you understand my plight
I am simply a man, who has the desire to understand you, beyond the lights cameras action of your every day view
Ms. Claudia Jordan
Shared between you and me
Hours of conversation, oblivious to the world yet safe, as you will always be
Rendezvous, consisting of quite and loud banter
My intention is to know what brings you laughter
I am serious to most who know me from afar, yet I am the goofiest person I know concealed in a jar
I will tap the edges and invite you in, for all I desire at this point is a date and your honest conversation
Understand that my future plans consist of the moment we share, yet I would be foolish to think beyond not knowing what or where our thoughts compare
Odd is a first date for most, some view it as an interview while others brag and boost
I desire neither, only time, time that completes the puzzle of my life
Are you the most important piece, the piece that connects me to my higher power, the piece that I am supposed to pursue, the puzzle piece that allows this moment to continue?
A date, not all about me, because if I am he, then our date is just the beginning
Questions, answers, comments, laughter, friendship, understanding, that we will know after
A date, Ms. Claudia Jordan, will you accompany me?
I desire to know more of you and you of me, nothing hasty, just the most candid honest sincere moment shared between woman and man, poetically.