(For every woman who needs peace)
When I heard your voice for the first time, while passing you in the bread aisle at the grocery store, it was a moment of déjà vu, yet I had never met you. I stumbled with my approach as you truly intimidated me. I later understood those feelings of inequality. Also, the déjà vu was because I dreamed of having a woman as beautiful as you.
You were gracious enough to accept my phone number, after declining to give me yours. Surprisingly, two days later, you called me. So I listened to your voice for the second time. That was the moment I had foreseen, as my confidence grew and our conversation was serene.
You were more then a moment of triumph for me, yet my ego was not comfortable with settling. I had to prove that I was every woman’s fantasy. My insecurities covered my heart like unseen blemishes. When those scars would present themselves as slips of my tongue, you would hear me say, “Ah, she is no one, I was not flirting, just having conversation.” How you could perceive my deceit, was in my tone. No longer was my voice, yours, alone.
You are not to blame, in any way! I have not matured and my continence ways help feed my unhealthy mind state. With more honesty to claim, I am truly afraid to love you and forsake my salacious ways. If I were an honest man, you would have heard me say, “I want you, yet I also want to enjoy the company of every woman for whom eyes I lay.” You never heard those words from me because you, I considered a trophy. Less then a human being, more like an item, something like a physical prize that fueled my selfish reality.
I cannot see how an apology would give you back your dignity. So I offer in this letter, the truth, so you know my self-worth. I was not good enough for you and faked being a part of your personal intimate earth. Please understand the immoral me, so that you will never succumb to another man like me.