I pose this question for those of us who have issues defining the conditions of our relationships associated with Love. In the weeks to come I will attempt to address this as it pertains to parental love, spousal love, societal love and so forth. What I want to explore within this article is the love I have for Thomas (my biological father). For those of you who do not know, my relationship with Thomas has been tarnished over the years, largely due to his drug addition. However, that’s another story entirely.
Just last week, my best friend, who is also my fraternity brother (Oliver), came to the Bay Area on business and shared with me that he communicates with Thomas on a weekly basis. Apparently Thomas belongs to a community group and is currently sober! Knowing that decreases my anxiety levels yet I can not help but to assume that his success is temporary. My subjective self wants to congratulate Thomas. I even think of speaking with him so as to determine his level of commitment and sobriety.
My “Social Construct” question pertains to the opinions of others and whether or not my relationship with Thomas, has improved, will improve or is improving. I have been told by persons who are close to Thomas that I should engage in social activities with him so as to reestablish the father son bond; simply because Thomas has expressed to others, frequently that he does love me. Well, I understand that, however, is the love Thomas has for me built on the opinions of others, guilt from our past, his innate affection for me or all the above?
In my opinion, Thomas correlates Love from a social construct. His views are associated with enamored feelings accompanied by self gain. What I have never told Thomas is that my Love for him is what actually keeps me distant from him. Allow me to explain, it seems that I hear about Thomas every few years while he is participating in a drug treatment program and or associated with a community service program that is mandated by the state or associated with some sort of live in care facility. As long as I can remember Thomas has always been intelligent enough to seek help yet never tenacious enough to remain sober. In years past, when I have elected to communicate with Thomas, the reunions are a great moment; however, they remain in fact a moment. Unfortunately, at this point in the life of Thomas, he seems to be a binge addict. So I often wonder if his sobriety triggers feelings that are hidden within the euphoria of his addiction. So, I remain distant and communicate with him during his moments of sobriety encouraging him to remain sober. During his indulgence of drug use, I am apart from him in hopes that my distance promotes a desire for soberness.
Tough love is the easy way to explain my distance from Thomas. Of course there are other aspects to my relationship with Thomas. However, that is another story and I am discussing my personal feelings associated with the love given and received from my biological father.
In conclusion, I offer you all a quote from an interesting writer who is also the grandson of the famed Sigmund Freud, “It is essential that we understand people for who they are as individuals and not the public perception of them or their family and past”, Clement Freud.