Friday, October 20, 2017
Am I Shallow for Wanting My Own Biological Children?
By Alfonzo Tucker (Columnist)
Published December 18, 2008

Hello world, I'm not at odds with my desire of wanting to have biological children of my own some day, I just wonder if that is a selfish and shallow decision. I ask this question because I've actually meet several women who have had children and either no longer desire to have more, because of age or commitments made in prior relationships (those commitments leading to a medical procedure that halts ones ability to conceive naturally). Whatever the case maybe, I guess I'm at an age where these issues are common.

At this point I'm unable to answer questions of my own regarding a change of opinion based on love. For example, if I was in love with a woman, could I be satisfied and or content with adaption? Yet oddly enough, I can not see allowing myself to love a woman knowing I'm unable to procreate with her. I guess that is just a prerequisite to love within my personal wants.

So you all know I made a decision not to court a particular woman based on her inability to conceive naturally. When we discussed this issue, she told me that her condition could be reversed via a simple medical procedure. Of course there is a monetary cost involved. That isn't entirely discouraging because I'd like to be married for a while prior to kids. So saving money wouldn't be a matter. What the problem was is that I have not fallen in love with her.

Anyway, a friend of mine asked me this question, "What if she was unable to have children from natural causes and you were already in love with her?" With no thought, I know that I would continue to be in a relationship with her. But of course, that is a hypothetical situation. My concern is the decision it self. Am I a shallow person for wanting to be in love first then having the option of procreation? Am I selfish for wanting to have a child conceived from my own DNA?

On another note; I am not opposed to adoption and or foster care. In my life span, I am sure that I'll either adopt or become a foster parent. Some of you may know from past articles that I am a product of foster care. Starting from age thirteen, I've lived in four different foster homes. My foster care experience was more positive then negative. I know that my family loves me; I credit my successes in life to them. So, I am not opposed to being a foster parent. Whatever the case maybe, I desire to share love with my own biological child. Unfortunately, I may never meet and know who my biological mother is. So I plan to raise at least one biological child in my home where my wife and I share love and respect throughout our lives.

Just formulating those thoughts within the last paragraph allowed me to discover and understand some reasons and desires for having my own biological children. I aspire to love my own biological child in a housed hold where he (or she) is raised by both biological parents. That is something that I never had, so I plan to do it for the part of me, that I help create with the woman I'm in love with (wow!). In closing, what are your opinions regarding my thoughts. Is this a shallow or selfish situation for me?

After writing this article, I feel stronger about my plight and plan to follow my desires. Take care you all, thank you for reading and I hope your Christmas is spent in good health.

Alfonzo Tucker is an author, poet and inspirational speaker: Visit his website at


Categories: Opinion

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